k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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