You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You're like the curious george of whores
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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