this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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