His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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