Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
