I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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