You smell like stripper and shame
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
