exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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