i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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