its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
