Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
