possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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