Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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