maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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