bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
