Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
