Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
