i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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