I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
