Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
