well I can't set my house on fire every night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
