we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
