I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
