At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
