Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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