His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
