Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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