True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
