All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
