i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
