I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
