i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
