she was so not down for the gang bang
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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