He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
