Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
