I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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