I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
