God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
