Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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