she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
