I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize