his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
