and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
