Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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