She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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