i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
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