I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
