Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
