i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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