Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
