I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
