I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
