What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
