She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
