I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
