my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize