we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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