how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Green mimosas i think yes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
