Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
