i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
