If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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