I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
