I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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