I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
