We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
