I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
