i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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