i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
