Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
