He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The air taste purple.
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